This might come as a shocker to most guys: Women hate condoms, too! We think they feel weird and so doctor rubber glove-ish! For this reason, it is particularly hard to be put in the position of “policewoman” in the bedroom (Though in any other situation, we enjoy the "Policewoman" role, the outfit and handcuffs? So Cute!). Still, we know we have to because, well, STDs and accidental pregnancies are scary, even pregnancy scares are scary!. Condom etiquette is something that single women don’t discuss nearly enough. If we are being put in this position—even occasionally—we need some open dialogue to take some of the awkwardness and confusion out of these situations. So, we have for you our eight condom commandments. No matter what your views are about casual sex, dating, or relationships, it’s important to know where you stand on condoms before the moment “arises.”
1 ) If you’re thinking about sleeping with someone, and they haven’t brought up the condom issue yet, what are you waiting for? Speak up! Let them know your deal. Ask about recent STD testing and tell them if you’re on birth control or not. Even if it kills the moment. It’s really important.
2) Always keep condoms at home and in your purse, should you need them in a sticky situation. Better to be safe than sorry. It is not the guy’s responsibility to make sure he has condoms. It takes two baby!
3) Make sure he pulls the condom out properly after sex to prevent spillage or the chances of losing it in your hooha for days. Yes, you need to be aware of this, as well. Help the fellow out. And you can’t flush that bad boy down the toilet, they just float right back up!. Wrap it up in tissue, and put it in the trash.
4) If a condom breaks, both partners should wash themselves with soap and water…immediately! If the breakage is discovered after ejaculation, having a separate spermicide handy to apply may help. Go to the doctor as soon as possible for emergency contraception and/or STD testing.
5) ALWAYS use a condom with one-night stands, hookups, or people you are dating non-exclusively. Even if you are on birth control. This is non-negotiable. Don’t get carried away in the moment. Remember the anxiety and stress you may feel in the coming days. It’s not worth it. Even if a man promises not to come inside you, tell him: “No, you won’t do anything inside of me.”
6) If you are dating someone exclusively or you’re in a long-term relationship, get tested together after three months, and then make a mutual decision about birth control.
7) You can never be too careful. Many women have expressed regret over not using a condom even while in a committed relationship after they found out their partner cheated, (bastards!)
We hope you take our words and put them to use, not to be "Debbie Downers" but there is nothing sexy about baby vomit, or even worse, bumps in places that they DO NOT belong. So next time it’s time to get down and dirty make sure you have a rain coat. And in honor of our 6th grade sex ed teacher Mrs. Rosloo remember, "No Glove No Love".
Until next week,
Kisses
Mistress Samantha and MIss Syndi
XOXO
