Top 10 Signs She’s NOT Interested…

There are literally billions of single women out there at the moment. Go ahead, add them up. Billions. Have you ever wasted time, money and oxygen on one that you never even had a chance with? Of course you didn’t realize it at the time, but yeah, you probably have. And the really annoying thing is that all the clues were right there in front of you, but you didn’t acknowledge them because you were so focused on the pussy.

Well, you never need to make that mistake again, because we’re here to spell out the top 10 signs she’s not interested in you. Sure, it’s a hard thing to accept, but you’ll be much better off if you can spot these signs early on. You’ll also need to consider that these signs may come to you at any stage of the courtship: the day you ask her out, on the first date, or perhaps even a few dates in. When any one of these signs she’s not interested do creep up, it should be your cue to move along and set your sights on one of the other billion girls out there cuz she ain’t interested!

Here they are, the top 10 signs she’s not interested in you:

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The 10 Sexiest Movies to Watch on Halloween

Now don’t get us wrong…there is nothing sexy about body mutilation and blood and guts bursting out of people. But the concept behind our list today is movies that you can cuddle with or put your face in the crotch of your lover (cause your scared Duh!) Also the eye candy that these movies entertain us with gives us just another reason to curl up on the couch in a blanket and make a night of it!

1. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Kings of the late-’90s teen era, Ryan Phillippe and Freddie Prinze Jr. light up the screen in this classic. Plus, you can’t go wrong with a shirtless Phillippe in a locker room scene.

2. The Craft

This flick sets you up with the perfect role-play scenario: uniforms, Goth attitudes, and a spell that can control the hottest boy in school.

3. Disturbia

Smokin’ hot Shia LaBeouf plays a teenager on house arrest, causing him to become a voyeur as he spies on his sexy neighbor. Oh yeah, and then sees a murder next door.

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Let’s Get It On

They say that time is of the essence, but you and your girl/guy want to find a spot where you can get a couple of quick pumps in before you have to get back to whatever it is you were going to do.

Why ruin everything by heading to a safe place when you can do it right where you are? If you use a drop of discretion, and we are soooo good at this, quickies can be more fun and exciting than you ever thought possible!  Here are eight locations for a quickie. Why not 10?  Well we narrowed it down and the other two just don’t seem so great so we figured fuck it, lets just make it the top 8…lol!  Next time your libido lusts for a lunchtime lovefest, grind in one of these quickie spots.

1- Elevator
An elevator is high on our list of eight locations for a quickie, although going up or down several floors isn’t usually sufficient time to get off. We recommend you stall the elevator (given that you don’t trigger any alarms by doing so, unless you enjoy getting caught), go at it like rabbits, and when you’re done and let the elevator run again, don’t exit from the main floor.  Too obvious, exit on the third floor or something and take the stairs…ooh wait, you could do it on the stairs too…..hmmm…*see number 4
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Porn moves you should NEVER use in real life!

Unfortunately there are alot of men out there who have no clue how to have great sex.  It not just climbing on top and going like a jackrabbit until you are done. Many men these days learn what to do in the bedroom by watching porn.  Whether it be on Showtime After Dark, Skinamax, or your IPhone,  let’s be clear about this right off the bat: Porn Stars are not real people. What looks like a great idea on video may not translate well into a real-life sexual encounter with your girlfriend. We have analyzed this very carefully and have come up with some common porn moves you should never use in real life, and we’ve decided it’s time we let you know what they were — just in case you get any bright ideas later on tonight!

The Dick Slap
Male porn stars somehow seem to have a compulsive need to slap their members against things. One possible explanation for the porn actor grabbing his shaft and banging it against a woman’s ass, tits, or face is that it helps him stay hard; essentially, acting as his own “fluffer” during the scene. We believe it to be a method of degrading his partner by slapping her in the face with his powerful man member. No matter the reasoning behind it, this is a porn move you should never use in real life — at least not without due warning and the right partner. If you’re having trouble staying hard, give yourself a few strokes with your hand or, better yet, ask her to help you out with her mouth. (more…)

Diamonds are cool…

but c’mon, ladies, condoms are a girl’s best friend. Who else but that little rubber guy is gonna shield you from pregnancy and most sexually transmitted diseases and let you enter hump heaven without worry? (We’d love to say it’s your boyfriend or the hot bartender you took home last week, but sorry, just not true.) Nothing comes close to the protection condoms provide, which is why nearly 8 million American women are taking control and using them regularly, according to The Alan Guttmacher Institute, a sexual and reproductive health research organization in Washington, D.C.  (yes we did some research for this blog!)  Whether you’re already among the legions of love-glove devotees or are more of a condom-come-lately chick, you’ll benefit from our, um, hands-on guide to the popular prophylactic. It covers everything you need to know from the right way to select and store them to avoiding a chaotic mess when using one.

Picking a Prophylactic

Not all condoms are created equal. So how do you know which one meets your needs? We checked out the different types to help you pick your best bet.

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HIM-BO (n): The male version of a bimbo, whore or slut.

Wow, where to start? Who hasn’t done this? Everybody has dont it at least once. The phone rings, it’s him/her, “What are you doing?” “Wanna come over?” Sure…. IT’S THE BOOTY CALL! We could go on all day about booty call etiquette.But there are rules…. This one’s for the ladies.

• A regular booty call partner can be much more satisfying for a woman than a string of one-night stands, because it usually takes a few sessions to teach a new man the various routes to your “happy place”. And if you’re not demanding orgasms from your casual sex,(wtf?) then you’re kinda missing the point, aren’t ya?

• You’ve got to be attracted to your booty call partner (duh!), and it helps if you can have a laugh together, but you don’t need to have anything else in common.  So go ahead and call that Him-bo. In fact, the less like “boyfriend material” he is, the better suited he is to be your booty call.

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Wanna Wax-Play??

It sounds kinky does’nt it? Well it is, it is the art of using hot ass wax as foreplay and you want to try it; but how do you go about doing it? Do you just pour the shit on like chocolate syrup? NO! Do you carefully drip it over the nipples? Ouch! If you are not careful and cautious you could injure your partner or yourself – so how do you go about it safely and without both of you spending your evening in the ER??

As with any sexual act you need to talk about it with your partner - communication is the key. Does your partner want to try this? Do you want to be the one being pleasured with the wax or do you want to do the pleasuring? Once those questions are answered, you can proceed to the next step.

What level of intensity?

To figure this out, here is a simple way to gauge where in the spectrum you fall. As with most adventures, start gradually and work up. And we don’t meet start at the toes and finish on the face. Find a birthday candle - if you can’t find one, a regular candle will work. These types of candles are suggested because they do not create a large amount of wax. Let the candle burn for about a minute or so, until there is a small amount of wax available. Pour the wax into the palm of the hand of the person wanting to be pleasured. If your partner doesn’t like the feeling at all, perhaps wax is not for you. Stick to the chocolate syrup! If they still want to try it, start at a LOW intensity; do the same thing to the thigh. (Now remember if you are sleeping with a sasquatch then maybe wax should never be brought up as i doubt they would enjoy the feeling of clumped wax on their leg and chest hair and it looks like dingleberries have migrated to his body…) If they are fans of that location, try a MEDIUM intensity wax approach. If they are totally hot and craving more, you can then try a HIGH intensity wax approach.

LOW

This is a simple way to get the thrill of the heat of the wax as well as the texture. It is also a “neater” approach. Burn a candle to the point where there is a liquid wax in the approximate size of a quarter or more. Taking your index finger, run your finger along the edge collecting the soft wax (this provides the pleasurer with the safety of not being scorched). Take your wax-covered finger and dip it into the liquid wax. Then place your finger on the body of the person being pleasured. This method allows for sensual touching to play a large role in the foreplay. This method can also be used on more sensitive parts of the body, such as the nipples and neck.

MEDIUM

There are special candles available at adult stores that burn at a lower temperature than regular candles. We KNOW this, not like we have tried or anything… This intensity level brings the joy of pouring wax without the high temperatures. To pour, hand-eye coordination, as well as communication, is necessary to make sure that you don’t miss and pour anywhere the person feels might be too sensitive. LIKE HIS BALLS!

HIGH

Great care should be taken here – both in the amount of wax used and the body areas subjected to the wax!

High intensity uses the high temperatures of regular candles. A higher end candle with smooth wax is recommended, purely for cleaning-up purposes. Simply pour the wax on to the body of the person being pleasured. To increase the intensity and the reaction, try taking the wax off right away and tracing the path with your tongue or ice. Either is sure to send shivers through your partner, or shrieks, you know whatever. Also, to vary the temperature of poured wax, pour from different heights, or blow out the candle before pouring. A close pouring is hotter and more intense.

A FINAL NOTE ON SAFETY!

Although there is no need to shy away from erogenous zones, they should be approached even more carefully and with lower intensities! Don’t just go “C’mon baby” and pour the entire jar of wax onto his or her junk! The inner thigh and small of the back are easily accessible as well as fairly hairless examples of where to start. These are not exclusive approaches. To perfect the fun of hot wax, communicate with your partner and work out their likes and dislikes to create a foolproof system.

If you and your partner want to try this, please remember that very hot wax can really burn and hurt your partner. NEVER pour hot wax into any orifice (vagina or asshole, or mouth, or nose, or ear, you get the point) or onto the face (especially NOT near the eyes). Have fun, but be Careful!!!

YOU DONT WAN’T TO END UP IN THE BURN UNIT AT THE HOSPITAL!

Kisses
Mistress Samantha and Miss Syndi
xoxo

Bend Me Over

Glass used: Cocktail Chilled

• In Mixing Glass With Ice Add:
• 1 Shot Crown
• 1 Shot Amaretto
• 1 Splash Pineapple Juice
• 1 Splash Orange Juice
• Serve

We hope you enjoy this weeks concoction; let us know what you think!

BigKahuna

Sexiquette: (N) The practices and forms prescribed by social convention or by authority with regards to sex and sexual conduct.

We want you to believe that hot sex anytime, anywhere and with anyone is acceptable. But let’s face it: IT’S NOT! In the real world, sometimes a single gal ought to keep her panties on and step away from a fucked up situation. Here’s when:

1. Because he cheated on you. He’s scum. He’s the scum beneath the scum. But you’re not. Why sink to his bottomless depths and give it out like candy on Halloween to get back at him. Will it really make you feel better? No trust us it won’t.

2. To gain someone’s love. The thinking here is, if you give him your goodies, he’ll feel all warm and fuzzy about you, and escort you off into the sunset with him forever. Pump the brakes. If there’s no guarantee he feels the same as you do before you have sex, there’s even less of a guarantee he will after.

3. You’re doing it out of pity. Trying to boost some poor idiot’s self-esteem, eh? Hmm. How about a cupcake and a motivational tape instead? Be a cheerleader for this guy, but don’t give him sex as a temporary solution for what’s probably a much deeper problem.

4. You dig his car. Really? You’ll have sex with someone just to ride in a shiny, new-smelling ride? Let’s think about the sense that makes.

5. To get something. Someone once said: “Use what you got, to get what you want.” Well, your body shouldn’t apply here. Plenty of folks have earned fame, power, even the rent money without doing the deed. Plus, making this a habit kinda puts you in, uh, hooker territory.

6. He bought dinner. And? You owe him a “Thank you,” not a night of hot, quick sex.

7. You’re drunk. Unless you’re at home inebriated with someone you trust, this is wrong on so many different levels. Don’t put yourself in danger and end up doing something you might not remember in the morning. You’re best bet: Know your limitations when drinking around strangers or make sure you have a sober friend with you who knows that without the alcohol, you would NEVER go home with THAT guy, even on your worst self esteem days.

8. Your friends are doin’ it. So you’re on a double date and the accompanying couple are gettin’ pretty hot and heavy. You’ve no obligation to follow them down that road. Suggest your friends get a room so that you can get on with your date and keep your panties on while doing so.

9. You crave attention. Trust us, the quick gratification isn’t worth it. Even if you’re lucky to have a good time, you’ll feel even lonelier in the morning. Adopt a puppy instead.

10. To be mean. Your best friend betrayed you, so you sex up the guy she’s digging. Pretty low, and pretty dumb. If he bites, best believe he’ll be laughing with his buddies about how he bagged two best friends. If he doesn’t bite, your ego’s a shattered mess. Spare everybody’s feelings and find a new bff.

Hope this helps you to distinguish good times from not so bright times.

xoxo
Mistress Samantha and Miss Syndi

Some Like It Rough

SEX WOUNDS:(n) Sex wounds may be identified by, but of course, not limited to: bruises, scratch marks, bite marks, mangled wrists, the absence of hair or flesh in areas, welts, missing earlobes, and/or unexplainable piercings, scars, or discoloration. Causes may vary from the basic use of nails or teeth to the more elaborate (and it definately shows) use of whips, chains, handcuffs, or various elastic devices.

Ok, ladies, gentleman, freaks, closet whores, bondage queens, manwhores, kinky queens….okay you get the picture.  We all have done it, don’t deny that you haven’t.  Sometimes you do it intentionally, other times it just happens while the intenseness of sex dominates you.  You get a little carried away and suddenly as your tongue is rammed down a persons throat you taste blood. WTF?! They bit your lip! I’ve done it, I KNOW Miss Syndi has done it, and as for Big Kahuna, well we hear he’s a master of it.  Still, it’s okay to get carried away, however, there is a limit to your animal instincts……

So you’ve been at it like the animals on the Discovery Channel for 48-hours nonstop? We’re not surprised you’re in pain honey. We have all been victim to the hazards of rough sex; carpet burns, bruises, sprains, broken bones ( it was only once!! and it was only a pinky!)  We can only guess that if you have never experienced any of this you are having extremely boring sex and for that we pity you.  For the rest of you we have help at hand.  The following are some of our favorite pitfalls of rough sex defined just for you…..

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