Porn moves you should NEVER use in real life!
Unfortunately there are alot of men out there who have no clue how to have great sex. It not just climbing on top and going like a jackrabbit until you are done. Many men these days learn what to do in the bedroom by watching porn. Whether it be on Showtime After Dark, Skinamax, or your IPhone, let’s be clear about this right off the bat: Porn Stars are not real people. What looks like a great idea on video may not translate well into a real-life sexual encounter with your girlfriend. We have analyzed this very carefully and have come up with some common porn moves you should never use in real life, and we’ve decided it’s time we let you know what they were — just in case you get any bright ideas later on tonight!
The Dick Slap
Male porn stars somehow seem to have a compulsive need to slap their members against things. One possible explanation for the porn actor grabbing his shaft and banging it against a woman’s ass, tits, or face is that it helps him stay hard; essentially, acting as his own “fluffer” during the scene. We believe it to be a method of degrading his partner by slapping her in the face with his powerful man member. No matter the reasoning behind it, this is a porn move you should never use in real life — at least not without due warning and the right partner. If you’re having trouble staying hard, give yourself a few strokes with your hand or, better yet, ask her to help you out with her mouth.
The Facial
In porn movies, the most important scene is the one that contains the “money shot.” The movie directors know their viewers want to see the moment of orgasm, and they usually want to see it all over the woman’s back, ass, chest (pearl necklace) or face. First of all, you should never, ever ejaculate anywhere on your partner without giving her prior warning! Also, the average girl does not like jizz on her face — her back, ass and tits, are fine. However, getting jizz in the eye is not a good feeling, and it takes forever to get it out of our hair, (no it doesn’t second as a deep conditioner) so be considerate and make sure this is a porn move you never use in real life.
The Piledriver
The Piledriver is a sexual position named after a wrestling move, which should be your first clue that it a position best left to porn stars. The Piledriver is performed by the woman dropping herself headfirst off the edge of the bed and/or couch, then supporting herself on the ground on her neck and shoulders, with her feet up in the air. The man then stands over her and, pointing his penis down, enters her. This position is not in any way, shape or form, remotely comfortable for the woman and it’s probably not the best for you either. Not many men have penises that naturally bend that way, at least I haven’t met one yet, and one wrong thrust could result in some serious pain in a very sensitive area.
Deep Throat
Porn actors like to get their entire cock as far down the throats of their costars as they possibly can. The trend gained popularity with the ’60s classic, and one of our favorites, Deep Throat. In that stellar piece of porn history, the main female character discovered that her clits was at the back of her throat, making her a medical anomaly and the most enthusiastic cocksucker in the world! Unfortunately, nonfictional women’s clits are where they should be, so deep-throating is not high on the list of things they love to do. Unless you are us, we find it quite a turn on… If a deep-throat blow job is what you’re after, you must talk this over with your girl first. Shoving your dick unexpectedly down her throat will result in gagging, unless you’re Miss Syndi who has NO GAG REFLEX!, and possibly a mess to clean up if she has a weak gag reflex. Porn starts often gag their partners on purpose, but it’s safe to say that doing that to most real women would get you cut off from any further pleasuring, or just cut it off…..
No-Prep Anal
In pornography, anal sex is not an unusual occurrence. In fact, it’s hard to find a video these days that doesn’t have at least one anal scene. Anal stimulation can be quite pleasurable, but the way porn stars do it is a porn move you should never use in real life. You can’t just spit on your cock and go straight in! Porn actors are able to do this because porn actresses have disturbingly stretched-out anal sphincters. It’s also pretty likely that lube is applied off-screen between shots. To begin anal sex with a real girl, plenty of lubrication, time and care is needed or else you’ll end up with one aggravated and sore sex partner.
A.T.M.
A.T.M., or “Ass To Mouth,” is a practice where a male porn star has anal sex with his partner and then, immediately after, puts his dick in her mouth. Ewww! It should not be hard to understand why this shouldn’t happen in real life. Rimming is one thing, but even with thorough anal douching, there’s still stuff up there that she doesn’t want in her mouth, like what you ate last nite! Double Ewww!
So we hope you all enjoyed our little lesson today, please note that because we are so well educated on these subjects in no way means we have tried each and every move! (Sure….) We Love Porn but would rather watch it with each other than recreate it at home.
Kisses
Mistress Samantha and Miss Syndi
xoxo
