– noun: an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc…specifically with regards to sex.
Everyone has done it…..in an effort to be sexy you try to switch position with what you think will be seamless perfection and instead you elbow your partner in the nose and or fall off the bed/couch/hood of the car. We all do things while in bed that in our minds seem like fantastic ideas only to find out when they are executed that you should have put way more thought into it. We put together a few of the most obvious ones and the solution that can (usually) defuse the situation.
1- Farting in bed
Description: You’re lying in bed with you girl, her head is on your chest and the covers are tightly wrapped around the two of you… and you bust ass.
How to recover: If this is the first time it’s happened, and the two of you are pretty new together, put it all on her. Go so over the top with it by saying things like, “Allison! What is going on with you down there?” Allison won’t be able to stop herself from laughing with you.
If you’re a more established couple, passing gas has most likely happened before and the “putting it all on her” trick won’t work again. So have some fun with it and pull the covers up over her head so she can breathe in some of that bad boy. Sure it’s mean, but it’s fun for you and she’ll come up swinging. Hopefully you can use some of that angry passion to your advantage later (don’t count on it though).
2- Crossing one of her boundaries
Description: Maybe it’s suggesting anal to early or asking her to role play something she is not so down with (remember the mommy-baby scenario?, we told you not to break that one out!). Whatever the case — you’ve crossed the imaginary line in her mind of what is cool and what is not cool.
How to recover: The first thing you should do is apologize, but realize this is a great time to play the ”I’m just so comfortable with you” card. Let her know that you respect her feelings and never want to put her in a situation that makes her uncomfortable; it’s the right thing to do. It will also put you back in the same good light that you were in 30 seconds before you opened your mouth.
3- Your dirty talk is more weird than dirty
Description: You break out the baby voice or some twisted fantasy that you’ve had since you saw Star Wars back in the late ‘70s, but, to your surprise, you’re greeted by a curious and disgusted look on her face.
How to recover: Quickly turn the situation into a game and let her know it’s her turn to think of the weirdest, most unsexy thing you can say during foreplay. Whatever she says, she wins. You just want to get out of this as quickly as possible and let her know she is one sick puppy for thinking of whatever it is she thought of on the spot.
4- It hurts, it hurts… and not the good way!
Description: Believe it or not, you can recover from painful and embarrassing situations, such as: falling off the bed together, getting a cramp at the most inopportune time, crushing her with your enormous ass or butting heads in the dark so hard that one of you comes up with a bloody lip.
How to recover: The best thing to do is take a break and laugh it off. Letting her see that you’re not Mr. Macho all the time is a great thing to do, especially if you can get her laughing about the situation. If she’s laughing with you, she’ll be more willing to give it another shot….. when the bleeding stops.
5- Calling her the wrong name
Description: If you called her by the wrong name during sex and the two of you weren’t role-playing you’re a jackass — nothing we can say is ever going to help you get laid by that woman again. Ever. If you did it accidentally in passing, you still have a shot, but timing is everything if you’re going to diffuse her anger.
How to recover: In a situation like this, your face can give you away, so stay cool. It’s just like poker: You don’t want to give your hand away, because trust me, that man-eating woman will be looking directly into your eyes trying to drain every last droplet of your soul. Respond to her by giving her a slightly cocky smile and calling her another girl’s name again (“What’s wrong, Sally?”). Follow up with another name as needed until she buys the story and then go buy a lottery ticket because you are one lucky man.
Hope this helps you with a few of the more awkward situations you get yourself into. In most any case the mishap can be fixed with a quick apologie and a good laugh, there are some (ahem….calling out the wrong name) that we obviously need more finess and care when trying to fix but hopefully those are far and few in between. Let us know what you think, until next time…
Hugs and Kisses
Mistress Samantha and Miss Syindi
xoxo
