I found this little tidbit on one of the other sex blogs I find myself frequenting whenever I have some down time; this has got to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. I imagine it would make a great gag gift, bachelor party gift, or gift for that guys that already “has it all” (make sure that includes a wife/girlfriend with a sense of humor!). According to Amazon it will dance to the default track it comes with or any track in an iPod or other mp3 player.
Sin City…City of Lights…the city made famous by the slogan “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. Where else can you be more educated in the sex industry than in Las Vegas? With the combination of strip clubs, brothels, alchohol, gambling, and of course, the Adult Video Network (AVN) Convention and annual awards show, you can’t help but live in Las Vegas and not be exposed to all things sexual. Things as simple as turning on the local news can expose you to the latest strip club issue or a prostitute bust. Hence the idea behind Sexucateme.com
The mission behind Sexucateme.com was developed by three completely different individuals, each with their own area of expertise:
You have Big Kahuna who is business savvy,street smart, and knowledgeable about all things sexual, you could call him a jack of all trades, we like to call him “The Godfather”. He knows how to wheel and deal to get what he wants, he likes to use “tough love” to get his point across and often times reminds us of Robert DiNeiro’s character, Sam “ACE” Rothstein in Casino. He is the “go-to” guy behind Sexucateme.com, and will stop at nothing to make his girls happy.
Remember that scene from the 40 Year Old Virgin? The one where Steve Carrell endures the most painful waxing ever? Ouch! is the first thing that comes to mind right? Well if you have ever heard the phrase, “I’m getting a Brazilian”, come out of your girlfriends mouth, that is the same thing she thinks every time she goes to see her lady, Helga, so that she can wax and pluck every part of your girls “lady bits” in a never ending effort to make them smooth to the touch. Now honestly, we don’t par-take in this torture session because it feels good, (because it surely does not!), we do it for you! Which leads me to the point of this blog. Attention All HAIRY Men: Please do us a favor and MANSCAPE yourself!!!
Manscaping: To shave,cut or wax any and ALL unattractive hair on the body, including, and NOT limited to, the chest, back, and most importantly, down south.
Hair down there: Nothing is worse than going down on a man with the intent of delivering an awesome blowjob, only to come up looking like you got into a fight with a toupee…and lost!! This is not attractive and is a major turn off. Hair, (especially down there), can be sweaty and smelly and feel like a brillo pad. I don’t even like using a brillo pad for cleaning, let alone get my face that close to one. Now let’s face it, body hair is gross and not sexy. You would be supremely grossed out if you were about to seal the deal with a new girl and got your hand, and or, teeth stuck in what could be accurately described as the “Australian bush”. Now we are not suggesting you Brazilian wax your unit, but at least trim the tree and smooth out the decorations! Your chance of getting a hummer increases greatly if your girl doesn’t need a machete to find the area at hand. So really guys, clean it up. Even if your not down for the “new born baby” look, at least trim it up. There is no reason to look like you are smuggling a Jamaican down there!! Understood?
Now we have all heard the hype about products that extend this or lengthen that, there are commercials for enlargement pills, enlargement “devices”, and even the enlargement patch. But really, no matter how big you “think” you are, or how small your last girlfriend said you were, it isn’t all about the size of your unit fellas. So we come to the ultimate question: Does Size Matter?
Well, if you hear “Have you put it in yet?” during sex then the answer would be YES! However, if you mean does the size of a man’s penis determine whether or not sex is good, then the answer would have to be no. Believe me people, I have had sex with a man that was average size that made me cum in seconds, and I have had sex with a man with a huge dick that couldn’t make me cum for shit! It is all about whether or not the man knows how to thrust. Yes the secret is the thrust AND the position the lady is in.
First The Thrust: If a man just puts it in and out well woop-dee-do! Let me inform you that we are not a piece of concrete we don’t need to be jackhammered. I promise you that act will NOT let you get another chance in bed with that person, EVER! It leaves me going “okay, and???” What is that going to do for me? Seriously?! Not a damn thing! Unless your dick is curved at the tip you are not going to hit the G-Spot my friend. At least put some effort into your thrust. Use your hips for god’s sake! Maybe you will get somewhere other that getting yourself off! You can use your partners reaction to determine the type of thrust you should use, deeper, more shallow, harder (not too hard), faster (not too fast). Establish a rhythm that you are both comfortable with and stick to it!! DO NOT continuously change it up, there is nothing more annoying than being “almost there” and then all of a sudden romeo decides to try out his knowledge, (or lack there of), in the Kama Sutra and then we completely lose it! Let me tell you that once that happens, there is almost no chance of getting it back. It is the female version of blue balls, it is annoying, uncomfortable, and most definately unsatisfying.
Hi!, My name is Miss Syndi. So about me… I am not as hardcore as Madame Fifi, however DO NOT mistake that for disinterest in sex. I also like sex as a matter of fact I LOVE sex. I am a little more submissive and prefer to be dominated the partners in my life.
I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost 19!!! I know right! I have easily made up for that lack of sexual acvtivity in the last few years. I love to have sex in random places at random times, baseball stadiums, an elevator, the office, pretty much anytime anywhere Miss Syndi is totally there…yeah I’m a rapper on the side bitches!! I have been told I give an awesome blow job, but this is probably due to the fact that I have NO GAG REFLEX…no seriously, you can put anything down my throat and I can take it like a champ!
So that’s me (the condensed version) I look forward to Sexucating all of you, and who knows maybe one day you will be the one banging the hot chick in the stands of a White Sox baseball game. : )
xoxo
Miss Syndi
Hello world! Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Mistress Samantha; the sexpert and I LOVE sex. I love anything to do with sex. I like blowjobs (giving them of course), I like teasing, I like seeing & feeling tits & ass, I like toys, no correct that I LOVE TOYS! If it has anything to do with sex, I am there. Look up “freak” in the dictionary, there is a picture of me.
Men tell me they are intimidated by me. Why? No clue. Just because a girl gives off this aura about her that is sexy, not trashy, but sexy (there is a difference ya know) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to her. Men often say that they can’t talk to women that are pretty, it intimidates them. Honestly, the women would most likely love the attention. Being beautiful (which I am of course, LOL) can sometimes ward men off. Sometimes I don’t get any attention at all. Don’t get me wrong I get looks all the time but men don’t want to talk to me they are afraid that I will tell them to “fuck off!”; I wouldn’t. I would gladly let you buy me drinks all night! LOL. Seriously though, let me tell you why I like sex….
